


Act Natural

by Shay_Moonsilk



Series: High School Modern AU [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bofur loves dicks and socialism so much, Dori has a swear jar, Dwalin Is A Softie, F/M, Gays Everywhere, Gen, M/M, Nori hates the heteronormative culture, Ori Is A Sweetheart, all his faves are hipsters, and it's going to fund Nori's entire college tuition if he keeps this up, but he loves them anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-10 00:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4370846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Moonsilk/pseuds/Shay_Moonsilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Nori hates watching hypocritical couples, and Bofur is the best friend ever</p>
            </blockquote>





	Act Natural

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the following drawing by sarcasticasides (this is like the best tumblr art-blog ever): http://sarcasticasides .tumblr .com/post/116692182131/this-is-what-i-want-to-do-with-my-friends-every because it's HILARIOUS. I also kind of combined it with this: http:// sarcasticasides. tumblr. com/post/120940939896/deterring-lobelia-sackville-baggins-is-a because I love everything they do so much. I'm hoping this isn't horrible.

It wasn't that Nori did not straight people. He knew that was just as stupid as disliking someone who was gay, or trans, or ace. What he disliked was the blatant heteronormative culture in which he lived in that emphasized straight relationships in popular media to the point of ridiculousness, which was the main reason he didn’t watch most cable programming. And that didn't make him a hipster, no matter what Ori said. _He_ was the hipster, with all his knitted clothing (he was a stress knitter) enormous glasses (because the squirt could not see without them), and love of herbal teas (because he liked how they tasted) but Nori forgave him because Ori was _so cutest hipster_ –

Ok, off topic.

The Point: he didn’t not-like straight people.

The Other Point: He didn’t like it when he saw unlikely straight couple after unlikely straight couple make out on TV, but no if his community ever protested the right to marriage, serving in the army, or anti-discrimination workplace laws, they were suddenly _throwing their culture into everyone’s faces_.

It was so _fucked up_ – and yes he would maintain the phrase _fucked up_ no matter how many times Dori would make him use the swear jar. Because maybe the English language was a wonder collection of phrases, diction, and prose, none could summarize how Nori felt on the topic quite like ' _fucked up_ ' and _screw_ your swear jar Dori. 

And on days like these, when he had to walk past the hallways of his cliche TV-sitcom style high school and see no less than five straight couples doing the disgusting exchange of saliva, he was rightfully pissed off. It wasn't fair. The last time he kissed Dwalin in the hallway before class they had been told off by Vice Principle Saruman for indecency. And that had been a peck, because even though Dwalin was over six feet tall and the biggest offensive line-backer on their football team the school had ever seen, he was very shy about PDA (and he was just the _cutest_ right after Ori, and Nori was very lucky to have that fine specimen in his life, along with his wonderful jacket that he currently wore). His irritation rose steadily as he kept his gaze looking ahead so he could just get to his locker, and willed himself to not kill anyone today. 

As he neared his locker though, he saw light and hope in the form of his best friend Bofur.

“Bo!”

The other teen greeted him with his huge smile, stupid hat, and scarf (it was _summer_ what was _wrong_ with him why were his dearest people _hipsters_ ) and gave a cheery hello.

“No time for that!” He grabbed Bofur’s face in his hands earnestly, and pulled their faces together. Bofur squirmed a bit, but then he saw the mischievous smile on Nori’s face and matched him by placing his arms around his waist. (Bofur was the best make no mistake.) 

“There are straight people making out over there,” Nori said, letting his irritation shine. Bofur was well aware of his best friend's attitude about their heternormative society, and if anything felt even more strongly about then Nori did. That mostly had to do with how agonized his (Bofur's) now-boyfriend had been when he came out to them when they were freshmen, and he'd been so scared and caused himself to have a panic attack. Bofur - who always smiled - had been so angry, and he always got angry when he remembered that moment because Bilbo was precious and _hadn’t deserved that_.

“Let’s be really gay and make them uncomfortable!” Nori finished, and Bofur’s eyes lit up.

“Alright- um… oh my gosh! I just love dicks and socialism so much!” Bofur called, letting his voice get louder until everyone in the crowded hallway had heard, or even stopped to listen.

And it was hilarious how several of the couples – honestly was this _Glee_? – broke away, and one even had the audacity to look _irritated_.

“Am I interrupting something?” A wry voice asked from behind Bofur. Excitedly, he whirled around and swept up Bilbo, who laughed and only struggled a little bit. It was an improvement how he'd always tense if he, Nori, or either of their brothers hugged him when they met in Middle School. (But anyone who was shy around physical contact, especially when meeting Nori or his brothers, didn't last once Dori got to them and fed them cookies, this was _science_ Nori would maintain with complete seriousness because it worked with Bilbo and Dwalin and they were different as night and day.)  

“Just being gay as possible in the heteronormative world.” Nori drawled, leaning over Bilbo and wrapped his arms around him from behind. “Were you feeling left out? Don’t worry, your much cuter then that goof.” Bofur mock-scowled at him, and told him to get his mits off his boyfriend because he already had one. 

Bilbo snickered and gently removed his arms.

“I have to get to AP Geography,” he said, “I just wanted to say hi. Also, I need your help.” The smile faded and he looked apprehensive, “Lobelia is supposed to come over and I need you to make her _leave_.”

Lobelia was the overbearing aunt who kept trying to expose Belladonna as an unfit mother after Bilbo’s dad died a few years back, and steal his family home from him. Belladonna did the best she could, but the grief was so palpable and Bilbo did his best to take care of her, and they were just fine for the most part (sometimes Belladonna had bad days, and apparently Bilbo looked a lot like Bungo, but whenever that happened he'd just stay with Nori or Bofur and maybe it wasn't the best but it was _fine_ ) but Lobelia days were hard on them both (sometimes they triggered Bad Days for Belladonna) and Bofur and Nori knew that.

“We got you bae.” Bofur promised and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Bilbo smiled, looking much more relieved. Not to be outdone, Nori managed to get a loud smack to his cheek in before Bilbo could break off, running down the hallway before Mr. Gandalf could mark him late.

The two continued down the opposite end of the hallway, and if anyone had given them a bad look with the PDA from before, well, Nori couldn’t be held responsible for his own reactions. Who could blame him? The ‘dicks and socialism’ line was _gold_.

Screw your swear jar Dori.


End file.
